Maybe we are all finally sipping the Kool-Aid ...A quick reflection on Beyonce and the wave of consciousness we all ought to be embracing

A very learned friend of mine once said during a heated conversation about #Blackness, #Sexism #Racism and #Capitalism how he hated the commercialization and capitalization of these very issues to mainly benefit the very same elitist white system,this came ala beyoncé #Formation time/era.See for me I get that prism of thinking as it holds very valid points,at times the commercialization of these issues can dilute the very strong message that needs to rape your soul after having these conversations. Commercialization of these can lead to them loosing what they ought to mean/hold in order for them to be mass consumed or understood... But I have always and still advocate for these very crucial issues that effect the black skin so much to not only be discussed by the "intellectual"/ Woke few...Can they not only be communicated in the harsh tones and nuances of academia ..But for them to be spoken and discussed by all that are buried and suffocated by their clasps .

To me this has always been "our" fault to want to create an elite clan of black under the cloak of education and knowledge over social issues that should be common knowledge.We have failed to create a network that incites consciousness irregardless of educational level. Currently there is this tidal wave amongst our people that is going on that can't be ignored and to be honest we have the "Commercial" artists such as Beyonce ,Kendrick Lamar to thank as they have made the plight of these social and economic issues to be sort of cool for our masses to engage with .Now that is why I am happy for all that is going on right now! Finally we are having the conversations we ought to have been having for a long time.For the first time I am not the only one in the dinner table who comes across as "Angry" or not seeing the bigger picture.Finally there is an army and it's getting it,maybe not to it's full entirety as they are digesting parts of it that are still construed to serve those whom themselves are not fully emancipated, but goddam it's a start!

#WhereWeAt...#InstagramThings...#RandomPosts...#TheBloggingLove....I'm over doing it....

I'm really excited on what shall slowly unveil istelf to you guys over the course of the next two ,three months in regards to this space.I had been going through alot lately and change is always part of growth,in the sense that it simply mean't me taking on more responsibility.With that came a different mind frame and ofcourse one of them being to respect every single thing I do .So I slowly re-assesed where I wanted to take this blog as well as it's purpose .But alas all the introspection is at a near end and a balance is slowly striking a pose in my life.I have to thank all of the people that were checking out the blog to see if any new posts had been up ( the figures don't lie)...In truth I am reshaping this blog ,actually I would say "Re-packaging" it to better suit what I shall be revealing to you guys....In other not so exciting I have grauduated finally and knowing that I am now armed with a great qualification is more than tear dropping in this "heart-space" of mine .I promise to hurry up with all the nitty -gritty blog construction I am doing.For now I can only share with you guys a couple of Instagram ( @IbanathiNgcobo) snaps of what I have been wearing ,upto  and doing ...Yes I had been that behind in social meduims that I was not on Instagram,appaling I know!.Albeit its been a healthy couple of months and truly  happy with the progress I am making in Life,fashion ,Love ,Music and Growth.

 

 

A Distant Cyber Hello from a Denim'd Stranger......

(All Star Chuck Taylors, Jeans-RedBat ,Ray ban Sunnies, Beanie- Stolen  , Scarf-Zara)

A cyber warm Hello ....I hope all you guys are doing well.I know I have been a stranger in these streets but I have to, as my life needs alot re-assessment with the great opportunities that have been presented to me.All is good as I have been handed the essentials to make something of my life .This blog being a personal space I have decided to take a break from it until I have moved on to the next stage of this journey to success ...Which stage you might ask ?...That is what this break will serve to prove and I will share it using this platform (That next stage being)  ....Hopefully this blogspace will be more refreshed ,more reloaded with content that will depict where my head-space and growth is....After all it is a blog about Love,Life ,Fashion ,Music and Growth.All I can ask from you my dear reader is to be patient with me and dare to come along with me on this journey I call being "Ibanathi Ngcobo".....

The New Direction I seem to be Looking at....

A lot is going on in my life right now.I'm eternally grateful for the opportunity that has come my way,Lord knows it could have not come at a better time, wrapped up in a better package.With time I shall reveal this transition phase and all the nitty gritty .But I truly am looking forward to this transition this opportunity will present.......

Just a thought......

You Are...We Are Durban Bloggers

A while back I made the conscious decision to drop out of the  Durban Champagne Sipping Brigade.A decision that was particularly hard as it mean't alot of people and acquaintances that  I had  come to considered friends had to be cut out.The cut was particularly hard as anybody who is a fan of truth and  growth will know that some people need to be let go in order to attain a certain state of mind.They may have been a part of a chapter that once in time defined you but I certainly refused for it to be part of my future.As a young gay black man I have become very aware of alot of things including the company I keep as in my now not-so new journey,relevance is not what I search for as I have found it to be fickle and rather distasteful as is not becoming. Instead one can search for other fulfilling ventures that make more sustainable sense and financially viable efforts.Social media platforms most definitely can be utilized much better and I'm slowly learning how. I've become the man I have always aspired to be who marches along to his own tune that not many can be afforded the opportunity to understand on a personal bases.It is joy to know that in ones life I have no more than 6 friends, that I invest dearly into as I see them not as just mere friends but more of Life Companions .

These souls are some of the most inspiring as well as creative beings one can ever have.I tell you they are the truth with their even brighter futures.One of them happens to be my "Geksi" lol...Known as Ackie Ndlovu ,who is a durban Blogger,Graphic Designer and business what-what-what .This coming month she hosts the first ever Durban "We Are Durban Bloggers"  which will see some of DBN young and not-so young lol bloggers come together in a space of creative sharing.I'm super excited having seen her plan this baby from inception to the beauty it shall be.I hope to see as many of Durban's blogger community reach out to this initiative.

There are many great souls that are running through my mind as I type this out.These great human being whom have been part of my random college-vacation nomad 'ing if there is such.I'm grateful I did so ,the sometimes uncomfortable bus trips and lovely foodie spots I got to discover in the local three cities I frequented more than made up for everything.They brought about opportunities to meet some interesting characters I got to meet as well as immerse myself in different trends amongst the spheres of fashion ,lifestyle ,food and architecture.Yeah you know you doing something right when you find yourself admiring spaces in a town that has always seemed to pretentious...With that said I found myself falling in love with my Durban all over again as I yearned for our day-to-day "Chilled Vibes"energy wrapped in classic, " All stars ,A vest, A pair of shorts and A pair of sunnies" .But amidst all I also got to strengthen my bond with some close life companions .Alot has been happening in terms of my head space (positive energy  has got a hold of me ) but I'm in awe of the possibilities and opportunities I am humbly creating for myself. I cannot show enough thanks for the opportunities that I have as well as the ones that shall come my way .At this point I pray for the man upstairs to give me the wisdom as well as talent to illuminate them in ways no other living soul can.Lead me to Greatness that is all I ask.....

Things that have left me all sorts of excited....

I love the university mid-year break as this is the most time I get to do my always extensive wish-read list that, yearly is ambushed with a majority  of African-Word Smiths  and my yearly books that I re-visit. These past two weeks I have been enthralled by a yearly growth read that has seemed to shed alot of perspective irregardless of the stages in my evolution that I call my life I may be at.Eat ,Pray ,Love has slowly has become that book for me.I dare not touch on the movie and its on screen interpretation as well as the significant to this book.But as my life motto "each to their own " ,I can't seem to put it down.It truly has me searching for my own "Chi"once more

But the new feast to my literature hunger and thirst ,is being quenched by Chimamanda Adichie where every page seems to be not to far away ....I find myself lingering on pages in situations where life imposes me to put it down ....AMERICANAH by this african writer who has carved a special place in my heart.I will try to get time to update book reviews of the books I currently am reading .Lately I have a couple of things that I am deeply excited about including an international brand that I love and produces my favourite brand of cigarrettes  Phillip Morris South Africa, which at this stage I can only pray about before mentioning anything .I tell you this much right now I have to work....

I Found Him Again Momma.....

A couple of days ago me and my sister had a discussion about Frank Ocean .It ended up with her accusing my sudden fascination with him due to his triumphant coming out letter ....Any reader of my blog can trace my love for him since his Novacane days(I make no reference to any other "cane") ....Lately my love for this soul I have never even met has reached new frontiers ,as my sister discovered with my extensive photo collection of him...Yes I will admit at over 30 pictures of him I can now say ....I found him momma ....**I should insert a school girl giggle here**

I Sort Of Want To Say ......

                                           See I sort of wanna say I'm "tired ",

                           but I can't as this is a word that has seized to exist in my vocabulary.

                           Tired is a word that seems like a cocktail drenched in the finest ingredients of ....

A pinch of failure , spoonful of meaningless drenched with a sauce of you feeling worthless 

                        all coming together to spew out of a volcano named  self-defeat....

                                  See I still wanna say I'm sort of "Tired" but I can't ...

                                                  I sort of wanna just say "Fuck It"

           but every time that thought comes up chimes of that dime filled place named "Success"... 

                                             I'm headed to sort of start ringing.

      When they ring they have a tendency of ringing so loud with a melodic tunes of godly promises

                          that may seem so sweet but have a tendency of awakening this monster in me.

               See this jabber-wocky of a creature is one that haunts me 365 days of my life

                    not a minute departing without him creeping to remind me of his wishes ...

He really is a nasty beast that consumes and dines on me so much so I named him {AM}-BITION.

       See I sort of wanna say I'm tired but he keeps me up at night as he haunts me ,constantly reminding that             within in him lives me.....So much so I {AM}-bition

Still Soo tight ....Had to celebrate the waves that my girl is making...#HeartMy Freinds

The past two weeks have been quite a bit in lines of emotions.Alot is happening in my life in terms of academia and personal growth in the spheres of growth both self and relationships...in that meaning freindships.See freindship are one of the most vital relations we have with the exterior world,they become your strength and most of all they become your biggest cheers of your success.As they will know the tribulations and hardships that has built you to where you are.It is with such joy that I am proud of the success that she is earning .But enough emotional soap ,after all this is no "Days Of Our Lives" post but rather one of pure pride and joy.

A week or two ago a close freind of mine ,actually going as far as saying one of my life sisters Toya DeLazy won three South African Music Awards and recently found out that she had been nominated for a B.E.T award putting her in the international export league of Lira ,TearGas etc.She flew down to Durban after the victory to celebrate with family and feinds .See this young womans work ethic and yearning to be the best performer can be vouched when in a moment of a freinds get together ,I could hear her engaging with fans in respect of them being her "DeLazy's" .Soooooooooooooooo proud of my girl ,.....I still say it she is the TRUTH of our talent.

And that is what the latest single "Loosing My Love"does to us lol

Introducing the TRUTH ...I really wish we could all listen tuh.

We can't pretend to have lost our TRUTH!....I can only pray that I hold onto what i know is right.

When I got to university I had pictured it as a haven to intellectuals that had no other priority but to feed their knowledge.But truth be told the best I landed was a generation of money-hungry monsters that had nothing else but the RAND in their minds.See I soon found out that  the truth to girls was nothing but a cushion they laid their heads on to find solace when the lights are on.I too nearly fell trap to questioning if this was not the yellow brick road I wanted to take .....A road that was promised to be paved with gold linings and a self that was "FOREVER NEW". I soon found myself isolating myself from freinds that were near and dear to my heart that felt like standing up for the right thing was not more important than the actual truth and "right "we know.See to them shying away from the courageous minority that stood to shout that particular incidences are wrong was just not a priority enough.Now get me right i'm hardly one to judge nor talk about people as I feel that I am way into deep with my own issues of sexuality& the morality debate.But what lies ahead is the fact that there are certain issues that are what they are... being WRONG!

The issue at hand is the issue of younger people(considerably younger) dating older men for financial security or a quick weave.See there is alot I can say about the issue but fact remains it is isuch that corodes our society .It is the sexual immorality that lies between both parties that leads to a questionable doubt about us.How does one sleep with the thought of their dad's peer breathing down there throat in a sexual manner? Is it anything to be proud? I certainly say not.Today I lost freinds as I dared to defend a point, that we all know deep down irregardless of the vein it comes from.I still this stand on the pride that i shall never nor will ever stoop to such lengths when there is always an option of working hader or waitering to pay bills.Call me judgemental or not but I'd like to consider myself as part of the sexual minority that still has their morals (I'm gay so...) in check .I can only hope that the next generation will not stoop to such lows to secure that they have some "Mango" in their closets or should I say baskets.

I can't judge as no other sin is above any but for now I can only hope that I have the strength and tenacity to go through all odds.The patience to wait for my hard earned pure rewards that are not dripping in no morally negligent old man sweat .I can only pray that such battles as tonight were not in vain as they are building blocks to what we were taught.Call me a Judger or a hater but i can only hold my opinoins that may fall short to yours but deep down you will know there was some echoe of truth that shall resonate to you way after I have left the room.

P.S
To all  I have lost and will carry on loosing in my life because I  choose to be real to what we all know .... Revolution for change was not sparked by those who sat in comfort ...But by those who put themselves in the firing line.I will still hold on to my views of  truth amidst this found trend to be immoral........To the girl that reads this ....Don't do it cause at the end of it all you know it is wrong as why do you not speak of it ,why do you not look your mom in the eye no more and tell her how you got Peruvianed up..Why do you wake up in the middle of the night tossing and turning in need of prayer? Why do you have to defend yourself so much ?Why do you twitch when an elder walks past knowing very well they ought to be nothing but inspiration to you...Not inspiration to a life of sexual escapades that pay ,not with currency but your soul even worse your life?.........But yet again what do I know I am just a gay man trying to make sense of it all

If you may Lend her an ear...You might "Come-Out" with you or some truth

I posted an introductory post yesterday as to why over the next couple of days I shall be uploading daily poems to bring about attention to all the social ills that haunt us .These "ISM" include sexism ,racism and homophobia that still lead to oppresion or worse blood shed that is unjust nor humane....These voices I shall post have inspired this quest to spark change in my own little way, I can only hope they do the same for you as change is started by silent individual battles that eventually collect to form an army to brave to ignore.......

"...When you tell a kid that you are not a Boy nor a Girl but that you are a HATE CRIME ...."

I have found myself going back to my poetry roots lately...See I have always deemed myself a bedroom writer but this blog post is not about me but rather about the Episode I watched on our National Broadcaster SABC1. When one has to applaud the channel for dealing with the issue that seems to be a epidemic in our society being Corrective Rape Of Lesbians.I find myself broken beyond words everytime I think of such social ills, as they are perpetuated by the Sexism that we seem to pass on to our generations as family heirlooms in Africa . I cry alot when confronted by the mere reality of our township streets being fertile grounds for  hate crimes or worse when you know that your sexual orientation becomes a death threat.Why and how does this even happen ?

All my 21 year old mind knows is that certainly can't be the world I want the next generation to inherit ,It can't be but most of all it must not be...In truth the series of poems I will start publishing on this blog will hopefully start serving a greater purpose .If they happen to spark change great but for the joy of having put the debate in your mind will be more then enough joy to me .If one more male ends up with the debate or with them thinking about such ills.Hopefully will inspire them to change their mindsets or should I say "Correct" their attitudes.....Change is near we just have to fight on

40-odd things to her heart.......I swear it won't take that long

I was doing my normal Facebook rounds today and i happened to come across a young lads status that was made up by 40- odd something rules on how to treat that special lady .See the obvious would be ,why I found relevance in these rules ? Truth be told as gay as I am I found myself simply smiling at the thought of my beter half going to such lengths irregardless of gender.If one male reader of my humble blog happens to read this and applies as minimum as ten of these then I would have done my job ....In doing so hope that karma will bless me enought to have my beta half end-up doing twenty.Well so I hope ....

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.

#2 When she misses you, she's hurting inside.

#3 When she says it's over, she still wants you to be hers.
...
#4 When she walks away from you mad, follow her.

#5 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.

#6 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don't let her go.

#7 When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her.

#8 When she ignores you, give her your attention.

#9 When she pulls away, pull her back.

#10 When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful.

#11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don't say a word.

#12 When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.

#13 When she's scared, protect her.

#14 When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her.

#15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

#16 When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.

#17 When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.

#18 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.

#19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.

#20 When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.

#21 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.

#22 When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.

#23 When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does.

#24 Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.

#25 Don't let her have the last word.

#26 Don't call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is so much better.

#27 Say you love her more than she could ever love you.

#28 Argue that she is the best girl ever.

#29 When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go.

#30 When she says she's OK, don’t believe it, talk to
her about it, because 10 years later she'll still remember it.

 

#31 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.

#32 Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.

#33 Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

#34 Don't ignore her when she's out with you and your friends.

#35 Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

#36 Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

#37 Let her into your world.

#38 Let her wear your clothes.

#39 When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

#40 Let her know she's important.

#41 Kiss her in the pouring rain.

#42 When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"

#43 After she reads this, she hopes one day you'd read it too

Hi my name is IBAR....and I aspire to WRITE for you ?

I’ve been very  reluctant to do what I’m doing right now being “Writing”....But alas it runs in my veins. See the thing of having a particular gift is that when you reach a crucial understanding of your talent not being for you ,but it rather being  to enrich (be it in anyway) the lives of others. I have come to that realisation with my life ,having always been selfish with my gifts I failed to understand that by not sharing I rendered them useless and stripped them of their beauty .See talent is such an intricate topic that I myself am still learning about  but none the less, it is that which makes it so much more worth it when harnessed.The power to discipline yourself to “work” on it everyday.

I still myself am struggling to understand the little “block” of being pure lazy that had struck me for a few months and with this done I soon slowly found my work that I had been posting on the blog to be as inspiring as a censored “Banksy” original ...basically pointless. As over the past few months I failed to understand that one must respect what you have been given as ultimately it is for the consumption of others, that on it’s own  should inspire one to constantly work on their talent. Over the years I bumped into many great minds that seemed to have faded by not understanding the basics of all talents that is to share. By doing so one experiences the chance of harnessing their particular chosen craft by practise.I guess I can only hope that this realisation that I have come to can only inspire me to be a more  of a “Public Writer” as opposed to the settled “Bedroom Writer” that I had become .By doing so I nearly forgot the talent (operative word being Forgotten as it is never lost) that had been bestowed upon me , as to what purpose it hoped to serve in the greater scheme of things is yet to be discovered .But at this point in time the journey more than suffices I guess .I only pray that this year I may garner the respect for what has been instilled in me to not be selfish enough to keep it to myself as that would be one of the greatest disservices to humanity as you don’t know how many lives could have been changed be it with the mere collection of these words.Which is why inevitably it is not yours alone ....

 With all being said I hope this year I finally jump over the wall that has been feeding of my creativity and let it be a year filled with genius as well as productivity for my talents .This I wish not for myself only but for all of my blog readers ,let it be the year that you conquer all of the obstacles that may prevent you from perfecting your talents ....Be whatever they are lol.

1st .....21....Freetype....

I'm 21 ...For some reason there is an ackward silence in that .I'm yet to figure out why ,it's been a hectic two weeks though alot has happened in my life despite the mental furious growth my body remains unchanged.Not that i'm complaining wish my mental state was  more harmonious and constant as my physical body.I met some one recently he is great but for some reason there is something holding "me"+ "him"from being an "US"...But do i want that ? I seem to think so ,see when he smiles my heart smiles,it starts beating at a pace i never knew it could,does cart wheels i never knew it could.We have alot conversations with him most which all carry a subtext of how "we"could be .His young though and has way more to loose than i do. See i wish the world would understand that we both did not ask to be in this emotional wrap we in now but i know when he is there all seems to exist but me + him .But again he has way more to loose.Hate that as i know we could really be happy if really we had the chance to ,but i think i care about him too much to see him go through the thorns of this world when you dare choose to be different let alone sexually defiant to the heterosexual norm.I don't wanna confuse him but rather let him come to his own understanding and conclusion,i really hope im there at the end of the his discovery tunnel as a light he works towards as i truly belive he is a good man that will just get better in time.Enough about him my heart already has enough to deal with .My freinds list seems to shrink by the day ,would swear someone pulled an exorscism in my life .Guess it rids of the unhealthy fatty part that is just as scrumptious then the protein enriched meat.They all seem to be dropping out.But i seem to be gaining alot of life companions that i dont mind seeing for a very long time.I seem to be getting moree impatient with the carreer thing as feel like im ready to receive what the lord has promised me.As everyday spent not doing what i love and purposed to do i feel my talent and ambition raping me inside to a pont of soul splintered heartbreak.

But I wore HIS jersey.....

Today was one of those days that I felt really down ,not that I knew why I was so under the weather I decided to look manly.Stupid I know but when ever I seem to be having a bad day lately, I seem to find myself leaning towards the more masculine side of my wadrobe.But yet again I really seem to be liking this side of life I think my family might smile at the thought of me being more manly might give them false hope lol...Albeit they should not hold their breath.

*Bag- Studio W (woolworths), *Jeans- American Apparel, *Belt -Trenery, *Shoes -Mr price, *Jersey -Vintage (Dad's),Shirt -Country Road

She said it......

It's not everyday that one finds something so powerful to read .Not powerful in the overly poetic sense but when one bumps into posts that remind us of the human thread that binds us all.The sheer resilliance that we all have when faced with adversity.My dear freind Ackie from KingdomRags posted this diary entry that simply reminded me why I started the "Epiphanies" section of my blog .The will to share and release as blogging unlike any other media platform is one that is personal,unedited and most of all true.To me that is what defines a good blog.I surely will support her through this time but again I'm reminded why i fell inlove with her spirit.To Ackie ...We will eat a croissant and keep the faith up.

"My Aftermath left me living......

It's been a bumpy road, one that started out smooth and now seemingly has me tossed and turned and shaken to the core. I've stopped asking God 'why me?' because it is a pathetic question really. Instead I sit and think... yes me. Only I am strong enough to handle this, only i am strong enough to get through it, if not me then who? Yes there are much felonious people out there than I will ever be in my years of living but even they too don't deserve it - now I’m not just saying this to win you into thinking I’m a meat ball of good heart or the essence of stupid for confessing that the atrocious shouldn't be punished, I am merely saying this because of the view in which I am standing. Going through hardship graduates mind and heart, it steps you up even though it steps on you hard so I will take it if it comes.

I will never decline promotion so this too I take to be just that, a spiritual promotion, a stronger and wiser me in the process of end. No matter how ‘perfect’ you are, you are bound to experience hurt and unfairness, no man is immune to it no matter how carefully you choose to tread. I heard a man once said that if you go through trouble and learn not the lesson you will go through it again till the lesson is learnt and kept. The bitter side is that people dwell in hurt in the process. But the lesson stands to educate. People only parish because they lack knowledge.

I have refrained from punishing myself for actions that I have done, it’s ever so normal for life to drag you through the mud no matter what choice you make...there is nothing that can take that away. I have traded self-pity for love regardless of what happens - and believe me it is hard- something I call a beautiful exchange, something I too am still to fully fathom.

God remains the same whether one believes in him or not, whether I acknowledge him or not. Unlike the beauty and fame of it all He will never fade nor wither. His perfection took my place, and I halt being hard on myself when others choose to hurt me. A friend once noted that Gods greatest gift to man was also Choice. No one can take choice away from anyone. And even in my salty morning I realise that my aftermath left me living. And that is good enough for me. After all great tribulations only stand in front of greater people."

Taken from KingdomRags