So I’ve been rather happy with the outcome of the blog and the direction it seems to be taking .As promised I shall be divulging my newest found views , values and epiphanies on whatever has struck my ever so troubled mind.Iv found myself lately gravitating towards the deep and disturbing topic that is close to heart ,well ought to be close to heart should I say!.......The subject at matter is Cross-Dressing or Drag-Queens do keep in mind reading this ,it is just a collection of thoughts that are as evolving as any human mind , so now twelve years from now don’t be holding me to them.
The sexuality and gender debate or topic has been one that has constantly excited and evoked major interest in me, many a times having found myself in the middle of it or worse contradicting myself .Largely due to the fact that at that time I myself was still carving my own identity .Yes identity a word that is very intertwined with the topic at hand as Sexuality and its expression seems to always lead to this never ending “Aquelle” fountain! Contradiction I was! as I myself was still finding myself ,where I stand in the gay scale with so many definitions and roles I had to tick and find which I belonged to I found myself going back and fourth within my sexual expression.Heck at that time I had more sex changes then the equal equation 3SUM posed .One day I found myself basking in my masculine side in which I found myself extremely comfortable in sneakers and tee shirt that was a far cry from the fashion forward “lil Primma Donna” that I would step out in the following day albeit at times I did find myself many a times crossing the very thin and blurry line safely defined as metro-gay zone dressing (I still argue there is no such as a Metrosexual...nigger is just gay! but a topic for another tea party)I found myself wondering am I a cross dresser and if so what did I feel about it as I had clearly built a negative subject position and perception about them .Did I feel that they were just part of the Homosexual society that needed to undress infront of a reflector of whatever sort that works there chocolate boxes and accept whatever glared at them back in between their thighs? Did I feel this? or was it a manifestation of what greater society had fed me to feel?.....with me feeling this what made me better then the testosterone filled male species that harbour secret fantasies about tapping “Sipho-my-Gym-Buddy”, whilst shouting in aggression how they hate Fagots and Moffies?....as I secretly to had a desire for eyeliner and blush as much as they had a desire for Sipho?
It is at this pivotal point that one has to start evaluating themselves and their own hypocrisy that they may harbour...I discovered that my so called hate for cross dressers and drag queens stemmed from an insecurity and uncertainty that I myself did not know where I stood. As had I known what I stood for and was deeply rooted in it there would have been no need for me to act the fool insight of the Iko Mashes of this world bring me to a point where every individual in most cases harbours the “Ism”of this world as I so like to call them , be it sexism to racism ,you have to start asking yourself where they stem from and if you do this with the upmost honesty and brutality you will be amazed at the answers that shall face you, it is only through this process that u shall emancipate your growth. Gender , Sexuality and Identity is “construct “as a wise friend once told me ,it is up to the individual on what feathers they choose to wear be they blue ,pink or anything in between ,it is their choice ,so the responsibility falls upon us to shut up, grin and let them be .
With Love ....IBANATHI NGCOBO
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