...What The Plastic Clones and Revlon dont tell u!!!!!.....yeah the horrid Side Effects of an "It" gay accessory...DREAM LOSS

Finding a little space in your mind to express what you really feeling is quite rare ,as rare as a young black male at the tender age of 19 to have found themselves .When I say found themselves I mean the rare species that seems to be in sync and know of who they are as well as have it pinned down to the “T” in terms of their values , as an individual I’m finding myself drawn into this dilemma more and more as I progress in this ravaged but yet oh so crisp journey I call life. It seems as if the world we are living in right now is set up in discovering and creating young individuals who have the knowhow  manual of themselves .This in my opinion being an attitude that is a little too ambitious ,considering the current modern trends that are invading our society, where not only are we forced to recognise and acknowledge the different factors but that make up  a recipe sought after for   complete in-contentment and emptiness .In this article I shall be going more in depth of the “utopian “worlds new found hype in the trend of self discovery, self peace and all that “mantra” jazz that seems to have been around as long enough as well human intelligence that only a certain few(that were deemed crazy and off the rooster).

Having found myself trapped in this never ending war with myself, I have found myself many a day’s wondering where it went wrong as at the age of seventeen it seemed as if I had it all on lock down, as if I had it all figured out .Where I wanted to go ... in fact where I was going, where I was going to land, hell I even knew my plane ticket number back then! But the age old disease named growth hit. It was during this time that I found myself showing symptoms that lead to fall into a never ending fall, that came about the wrong time as during this time I was in my first year of university which comes with many problems that if one is still in the process of finding one’s self, sure is to be swept off their feet and no! Not to meet Mr. Right but rather to a marriage made in hell with depression. I found that had I knew myself more I would have been more assertive  and not fall to pray of making decisions that went against my dream achieving self. It was during this pitiful era of my of my existence I came into a persona I like to call the “flash bulb of the party” my  10000-kilo watt alter ego who donned his signature smoky look that in his view deemed him as giving the likes of Rihannas fierce completion. These  feline eyes did not come unkit, so did the change of wardrobe where there was no short to short for him ,no colour to daring in fact it was these flashing colours that turned light bulbs to be as blind as a bat in Ray-Ban aviators. With this came the attention that was soon to go to the head which miraculously seemed to turn me blonde in all literal senses. Soon I found myself fitting most comfortably in my “designer-HOMObag” role that the fickle circle had expected, fake air kisses and adoration was soon the order of my day served with complimentary fickle conversations of how fabulous my blinding satin neon pink shirt looked.

 A deep stare in the mirror is always due around this point that I started to really look at the reflection that stared back at me with Revlon lined eyes and I was not happy. I had become another add on to the growing trend of “gay accessories “that were on the arms of the plastic clones! Yes as the person staring back was the type I had dreaded to be, what had happened to my intellect, what had happened to the dreamer in me? Life!! ....

With love IBANATHI NGCOBO

P.S

If there is one thing I wanted to achieve with this blog is a sense of a deeper awakening to all reading it .I dread it becoming a parlour of depression but I want it to be a place of enlightment in all spheres that touch my life be it from the amzing fashion finds and threads I shall share with you to my ever deepening love of architecture and beautiful spaces....It shall be a place that I welcome you humbly into my thots epiphanies hopefully that shall both enlighten and incite you to dream , live ,laugh and love !