I aint guilt tripping...Just another Oprah moment called INTROSPECTION!....the journey of saving a future little Gold digging tramp into getting her truth back lol....

Introspection is one of those things that as a teenager can be absolute pain if mastered early as you tend to over think and analyse yourself in every personal ,emotional and physical level there is. Every moment you get you to start to inspect yourself. Having discovered a neck for it earlier on I always found myself on “the spot to be counselled” where everyone I met seemed  to like playing Dr. Phil on me .It was only recently that again I started to do well some hard earned soul searching ....it was only through this time that I realised that one of the main reason I attract so much avoidable pain (operative word being “avoidable”)  to myself is that, just maybe I was not happy with myself not the shiny veneered pearl encrusted socialite I had created, but the innocent me who had died through the transition of me starting to fit in ,play the social game....A game I had made myself to believe I had to master in order for me to fit in my desired state of self that was founded by all the wrong reasons. One of them being the above mentioned.

I started to question whole lot of attitudes and perceptions that other young people at my campus and generally around me think of me .I did this in a way that would spare no honesty ,a way that the harsh spears that my “coco” artificial self had created and boy did I unravel it. The most shocking of all is that the more I lost myself the more detached people secretly got  from me and this meaning the mask I had blushed and pencilled in, not forgetting lipstick’d  on. Had started to consume me and come full circle. It was only at this point that I had lost me and most of all what I stood for ...For the first time I understood what they meant by vanity being deadly. I had buried myself in the search for absolute “fabulosity” that I did not need to acquire as the one I had tasted was not pure but one fuelled by fake weaves, fake lashes to fake accent, before I knew it I had created a “diva” monster out of myself that was so unreal that not even I could buy into, and if I myself did not believe in who I was ;then how were “they” going to buy into what I was portraying. I doubt that we all acknowledge as young people the amount of social classing pressure we are under that is driven by the so called “ism”of this world be it “elitism” to “sexism” ...to such an extent what kills us at times is what drives us. What we aspire to be not knowing that all of these could be acquired by the element of time ,all we have to do is play our part in paving what we aim to achieve. The dreams that we so consumed chasing at times ends up being the poison that becomes the end of us as we  are not ready for it. Success if not toiled for can be deadly, I stepped back and I realised I was living a life of false reward.Don’t get me wrong I’m now not some born again “Christian tertiary virgin” who is out to save and spread the word, but what I’m getting at is that pooping a bottle of R3000 sparkling wine and cognac at the tender age of 19years ....now there has to be something wrong with that picture! As this is an act that should be done when you can full utter the words “I’ve got it" and don’t even feel a slight discomfort as it pinches your bank balance ...if you happen to be  popping that bottle, then you have to start questioning yourself how have “you got it”! All of this which can be achieved by the power of introspection where all you can hear is that little voice which all of us are born with.

This voice is the voice that is complex in its being, as it is strong enough to survive and maintain its truth in all adversities we may put it through  but yet it is weak enough to be covered and dubbed so we cannot hear it. Trust me once it starts to haunt you that’s when you know that you are on your way to self rediscovery and true contentment, which can lay the founding bricks to the true pursuit of happiness. That is not encrusted with self doubt and self uncertainty or the pressure of fitting in or wanting to belong but one where the you that is there with you in your loneliest of times is sufficient.

Im proud of the fact I was enlightened on the power and value of the self in all spheres of this journey titled life and what it cultivates. As an ancient Zulu saying goes “okomhlaba kuyosala lapha”,which means of all our earthly possession shall be left here and it is only our self , soul and spirit that we shall take with us to the next life ....What id wish on to you is the same enlightment I was fortunate to have found at such an early tender age .So next time your friend decides to play Oprah on you let them go on ,as it is through these deep meaningful conversations(aptly named “D.M.C”)  that you find your true being in life and a sense of purpose to begin your true pursuit of self fulfilment and contentment young mind....