Wait Hold Up....Ima Explain Myself.....

Dear Reader

Before the tears in my eyes start falling I thought I'd be kind enough to pen this letter down to you .Well whether it is to you or myself lies totally unfertilised but all I know is that it is carried out by a deep emotion to explain myself.I'm still yet to learn to who! But all I know is that who ever it is who reads it,I hope will read it with an eye of empathy and humanity.

Lately I'v been going through alot which would explain the lack of blog posts , see all that have been following this little humble journey will know and understand this in the begining was never a commercial endeavour that I wanted to deem profitable nor exciting.All this was meant to be,was a breathing space where I would get to exhale all that has caught my ever troubled mind .....It was to be a diary not of my own but to the next one that relates ...Did I not enjoy the sudden rush of compliments of all the good work that came out of it ...Sure iIdid, but of late I have been feeling uninspired to the path of life or should I call it growth .A topic I have been dealing with alot .That I ought to be dealing with as right now im not proud of the results I have been receiving with my life nor am I proud of the recipe I'm applying.Then I guess the question would be why not change it ? .....It's hard I guess as I have delibaretly put myself in a space where all that is in my life I have attracted one way or the other and the universe is simply just delivering all that is deserving of me.It hurts as right now I'm battling myself more than any one else and that is where the pain hurts the most.But I guess one would say all of these are growing pains to the age of 21 years ....I never imagined me to be like this, there was so much that I had anticipated , so much I had wanted to do , so much I needed to do .What happened is the question that lays me stark awake at night.Sometimes I feel like I'm so pwerless as I can't control it and I'm slowly dying day by day as it is not me .But everything in me does not believe in the "powerless" shit as we are in control of our own fates.But why am I not getting the formular right surely I should have gotten it right by now.

In essence I guess this is a cry for help to the universe ,as to what good me posting this upto my blog is gonna do ...I really don't know as right now all I know is that I'm not alligned to whatever greater purpose I'm yet to serve ."Purpose"  that is the word I guess I was looking for. As for my ageing that is a story for another post .See my chest is feeling lighter already , as for the spell checks and errors I'm not even gonna bother! As all this needed to achieve is already set in motion.Once again I apologise to all those that look to this blog for weekly entertainment as right now I can't inspire when I myself seek authentic personal inspiration to share with you guys.